You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
