How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
