my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
