then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
