He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
