Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
