Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
