Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
