Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
