Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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