remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's blow job season.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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