He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
