I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
