Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
