Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
