I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
