biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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