so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
