She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
