It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
