Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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