Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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