If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Can I color on your dick again?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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