the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
