You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
