I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
