Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
