JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
