12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
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I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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