Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
