Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He did a backflip because drugs
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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