Whoa Z and x make the same sound
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
