I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
