this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
