My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
