I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
