i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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