That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
