I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
