i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
