You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
