Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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