WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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