I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize