She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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