these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My vagina just clenched in fear
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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