This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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