Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
