Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
