Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Sext me about skeletons
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
