Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
