You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
