thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize