Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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