I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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