South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
