So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
