I'm really into asian looking animals
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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