Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
