I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
