you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize